28 Sept 2012

Life has been crazily hectic since I got back. Spending quality time with my family, catching up with friends, going for shoots etc etc. I wanna do so many things but time is a limiting factor. One week here. Every minute is precious and time is running out. I wish there were more hours in a day. I pray that I would have the energy to do all my stuffs without sleeping, but I cant. The change in weather is definitely not helping and I've been down with a bad throat and runny nose. 

Well, at least I can enjoy a week of my "old" life. Running between shoots and meeting friends, having mom pick me up and going for nice lunches. Maybe coming back might not be good a idea afterall since it makes me not want to go back. But sadly, life has its plans for you. Whether I like it or not, I gotta go back. 

And thank you Mae for always being there for me. For going through thick and thin (as cheesy as it may sound). Despite being literally oceans and seas apart, our friendship never seem to be affected much. In fact, it made me realise who is there, who cares and who doesn't. Now I know who are the friends I can count on and who are my true friends. This girl constantly sends me good morning messages, wishing me a good day at school, sends me comforting tweets and not forgetting our skype sessions. Especially when I am having such a hard time over there, trust me, it matters alot. And her super touching card, a small card for me to put in my wallet while I am in aussie to remind me and how she didnt sleep for 24 hours and still came to the airport looking like a panda. HAHAHHAHAHA. 

The title of best friend would be an understatement. 

"as the years go by, our friendship will never die. you're gonna see its our destiny. you've got a friend in me" 

24 Sept 2012

Some snapshots from my super impromptu shoot with @Urbanbangs today with Mae! :) 

Its been a long time since I went for a shoot. And all I can say is, the feeling is even more awesome than ever. 

Food, food and more food.

This is absolutely crazy. 

When I first got here, I didnt know anything about cooking. I always get hungry after 11pm despite having dinner. Supper has always been a must for me these days since I graduated from poly cause my dad spoils me in singapore and drives me for supper at crazy timings at night cause of my crazy hunger pangs or I'll usually call mac delivery at night back home. So since I got home, obviously there's no more roti prata shops for me and since shops here usually close before 6pm, there is absolutely nothing to eat. Except your own saliva. (okay, gross bad example oops.) Well, and it kinda doesnt really help when you go onto instagram and see people posting super nice photos of singapore's local food and more food. (p.s. this means that if you post pictures of food all the time, I might have unfollowed you. Hahahahah! Kidding.) 

The only option or lets say, the easier way out for a lazy hungry person like me can only be MEE GORENG (instant noodles) The first three weeks when I got my own place, I was eating at least one packet a day. Now I know why my hair keeps dropping. Hah! Imagine eating mee goreng everyday. Its absolutely crazy and unhealthy duh. Well then I started being ambitious and "cooking", which set off countless fire alarms. But nonetheless, I can proudly say that I can cook some proper edible food now and set off the fire alarm less often. I was just thinking and realised that I havent ate my "favourite" mee goreng for about a month now? *pats on back* which is quite amazing cause even back home in singapore, I used to eat at least two-three packets a week. The thought of mee goreng kinda gives me the shivers now.

Oh btw, I honestly think I should apologise to my poor neighbours. Though I dont think they'll actually be reading this but its the thought that counts. Im the one who has been setting off the fire alarms at the weirdest timings cause of my crazy hunger pangs. I actually set off the fire alarm once around 1+am cause I was too hungry and decided to get up to cook lamb chop for myself. And a few days ago, I set it off again around 11+am while cooking lamb chop again. 

What am I doing in the middle of the night cooking lamb chops right? 

Ans: Its the worst feeling ever to go to bed hungry and I love the lamb chops here though I used to say I would never eat lamb chops...

A person, A paper, A promise

A person, A paper, A promise 

by Dr Earl Reum

Once on a yellow piece of paper with green lines
he wrote a poem
And he called it "Chops"
because that was the name of his dog
And that's what it was all about
And his teacher gave him an A
and a gold star
And his mother hung it on the kitchen door
and read it to his aunts
That was the year Father Tracy
took all the kids to the zoo
And he let them sing on the bus
And his little sister was born
with tiny toenails and no hair
And his mother and father kissed a lot
And the girl around the corner sent him a
Valentine signed with a row of X's
and he had to ask his father what the X's meant
And his father always tucked him in bed at night
And was always there to do it

Once on a piece of white paper with blue lines
he wrote a poem
And he called it "Autumn"
because that was the name of the season
And that's what it was all about
And his teacher gave him an A
and asked him to write more clearly
And his mother never hung it on the kitchen door
because of its new paint
And the kids told him
that Father Tracy smoked cigars
And left butts on the pews
And sometimes they would burn holes
That was the year his sister got glasses
with thick lenses and black frames
And the girl around the corner laughed
when he asked her to go see Santa Claus
And the kids told him why
his mother and father kissed a lot
And his father never tucked him in bed at night
And his father got mad
when he cried for him to do it.

Once on a paper torn from his notebook
he wrote a poem
And he called it "Innocence: A Question"
because that was the question about his girl
And that's what it was all about
And his professor gave him an A
and a strange steady look
And his mother never hung it on the kitchen door
because he never showed her
That was the year that Father Tracy died
And he forgot how the end
of the Apostle's Creed went
And he caught his sister
making out on the back porch
And his mother and father never kissed
or even talked
And the girl around the corner
wore too much makeup
That made him cough when he kissed her
but he kissed her anyway
because that was the thing to do
And at three a.m. he tucked himself into bed
his father snoring soundly

That's why on the back of a brown paper bag
he tried another poem
And he called it "Absolutely Nothing"
Because that's what it was really all about
And he gave himself an A
and a slash on each damned wrist
And he hung it on the bathroom door
because this time he didn't think
he could reach the kitchen.

This poem. Is so sadly true. Kinda hit me like how a big sudden gust of wind sweeps you off your feet and brings you to somewhere familiar yet strange. It is deeply intriguing and got me thinking. It speaks of the pains of growing up. The truth of growing up. Everything doesn't already remain peachy, does it? Peachy is only true when you're young. Things aren't peachy as you get older. Things get tough. The worst pain felt is no longer when you fall down from your favourite bike and scrape your knee. Pain gets real and painful, emotionally and physically. Heartbreaks. Deaths. Masks. You never thought they existed except in movies which you would often wonder why people would even do that. There are different kinds of pain you go through as you enter "The World" as I would call it. Tells you how things change. Things, people and expectations change. Nothing is constant or forever anymore. Even those who you thought would never change or in fact, never did change, would leave. Death. The truth hits you like a big slap across your face, hard. Suddenly you're forced to wake up to reality. You wished you never woke up and remained in your peachy world. You wished reality never existed. You try to runaway in your sleep but you cant sleep forever, darling. 

Having a Coke with You

Having a Coke with You 

- Frank O'Hara

is even more fun than going to San Sebastian, Irún, Hendaye, Biarritz, Bayonne

or being sick to my stomach on the Travesera de Gracia in Barcelona

partly because in your orange shirt you look like a better happier St. Sebastian

partly because of my love for you, partly because of your love for yoghurt

partly because of the fluorescent orange tulips around the birches

partly because of the secrecy our smiles take on before people and statuary

it is hard to believe when I’m with you that there can be anything as still

as solemn as unpleasantly definitive as statuary when right in front of it

in the warm New York 4 o’clock light we are drifting back and forth

between each other like a tree breathing through its spectacles

and the portrait show seems to have no faces in it at all, just paint

you suddenly wonder why in the world anyone ever did them

I look

at you and I would rather look at you than all the portraits in the world

except possibly for the Polish Rider occasionally and anyway it’s in the Frick

which thank heavens you haven’t gone to yet so we can go together the first time

and the fact that you move so beautifully more or less takes care of Futurism

just as at home I never think of the Nude Descending a Staircase or

at a rehearsal a single drawing of Leonardo or Michelangelo that used to wow me

and what good does all the research of the Impressionists do them

when they never got the right person to stand near the tree when the sun sank

or for that matter Marino Marini when he didn’t pick the rider as carefully

as the horse

it seems they were all cheated of some marvelous experience

which is not going to go wasted on me which is why I am telling you about it

Oh what I would do if the guy I liked read this to me. 

*daydream and daydreams*

The best poem ever. 

Dreamworld~

 Dreamworld shalala~ 

last saturday: 

kangoooooo!

I look really cautious of the kangaroo I know hahah.

When I was much younger, I used to visit perth quite often and my mom and my aunties would bring me and my cousins to see these koalas and kangaroos. There was once a guy working there told us this story about you know how the baby koala clings onto its mother while its still young. So there was this mother koala whose baby koala died cause it dropped while clinging onto her and the mother died soon after due to sadness. I'll never forget this story. 

P.s. Its kinda funny how these pictures were taken in dreamworld and there's not a single picture of the rides there except for the koalas and kangaroos. Teehee, oops.  

Lessons learnt, 18 Sept 2012

Ever since coming here, I've realised I am starting to enjoy being alone. In the past, I used to cringe at the thought of spending a weekend at home or being all alone in a empty room. I had never ever been left alone at home before. There was always someone around with me. It could never happen or it was impossible. I hate being alone. My thoughts would run wild and I start going crazy in my mind and imagining all the "what-ifs". Nowadays, I actually enjoy being in my room. Just listening to crazy songs like "Gangnam style" and jumping around crazily or reading a book or etc etc. Its much better since I can actually be myself. 

Mom used to wonder why I liked going out so much back home. She would ask me "Don't you like staying at home? Y don't you like staying at home? Home is the best place." I never agreed with here back then and couldn't figure out what she was thinking. Now, I get it all. And maybe if I had the chance, I would choose to go out less often back in singapore. I would spend more time with my dad and zara and Yati even. I miss all of them so much. I realised that daddy was growing old. I cant remember how zara's fur feels like in my hands and wonder all the time how she is whenever there is a thunderstorm and lightning. I miss her whining and how she was always waiting for me to play with her. Everyday on the way to school, I ll walk past a vet clinic and seeing the dogs, reminds me of her. Today I saw a black dog that refused to go into the clinic and the owner had to pull the dog in. Reminds me so much of zara and ruffy. Its like the dogs have this sixth sense. And Yati. I miss Yati's cooking and how she can find my things for me so quickly while I can never find my stuffs in that pile of clothes. Yati was telling me how quiet the house was these days with me away. 

I also found out that going out may make me feel more lonely than ever. Like walking around in the city or hanging out with people I am not familiar with. That feels much more lonely. Despite being surrounded by people, I never felt lonelier than ever. I hate how when I am in a group and I have to make small talk with people. I hate having small talks. Those meaningless conversations with them just for the sake of not making it feel awkward. Its fake and fake. Yeah you may say that I am being unfriendly but if I don't feel a point and everyone is talking for the sake of talking, why should I? 

I learnt how to stand up for myself. How I shouldn't do anything I am not comfortable with just to make people happy. How I should never go against my principles just to fit in. I learnt that nobody can force me to do anything I don't want to do. 

-

"You put your hand across my mouth but still the noise continues… Every part of my body is screaming. Smashed into a thousand million pieces. Each part—forever belonging to you"

14 September 2012

I just love twirling and twirling around. Especially in dresses. They make me feel like I could be a ballerina and that maybe fairytales do happen. I remember that I wanted to be ice-skater when I was young, twirling on the ice in those pixie-like tutus and the lights would be the prettiest I've ever seen. 

Hehe and I am going to dreamworld tomorrow! I wonder how it is like there.. 

"I learnt alot about falling in love when I fell out of love. I learnt alot about being a friend when I was alone" 

13 Sept 2012

Short update for today! 

Lunch in school today with the classmates! 

The palm trees reminds me of singapore.

#OOTD #WIWT 

Dress from Twistpolka! 

(Iris from twistpollka is the nicest ever! She NEVER gets angry even though i am always late for her shoots everytime. And despite me being overseas now, she still keeps clothes for me and sends them to me here! Hehehhe! This is just one of them and I still got lots waiting for me back in singapore!! And just last night, she whatsapped me asking me why I wasnt asleep yet and to cover my blanket! :) ) 

Watch from HK!

Dinner timeee! Udon fan forever. I hate ramen!! 

9 days

And no matter what, never give up your principles in life in a moment of folly or just to conform.

A girl's gotta have her standards. Stay true to yourself. 

I was talking to a friend that day and he mentioned that the way I analysed stuff was pretty interesting. And I was going on about all my different "life theories" and sharing one or two with him. The first theory goes like this: People who are bitter should eat more sweets. The more sweets you eat, the sweeter you get. But actually the real truth is, people who eat the most sweets are probably the most bitter. They just use the sweets to try and console themselves and "mindfuck" themselves that they are not bitter, hoping that it will help them.

I just think I have the weirdest mind. The things I think about and what I notice, its different. I notice what people usually do not notice and don't notice what people usually notice. I am actually pretty observant? Well, about clothes and hair. I actually notice what people wear and rmb what they wear and their hair and if they just had a haircuts etc. I notice the minor stuffs and forget the important ones. Its like I am a alien or monster or something out of this world. And maybe I'll try comforting myself by saying "maybe, just maybe, maybe I am a unicorn?" Which is of course not possible, but there's no harm believing in that or thinking that way right? 

Another of my friend said that I was "unpredictable". Well he said that caused he dared me to jump into the waters of the man-made beach and said that he would be my slave for a day if I did that. I immediately took off my shoes and started running towards the waters. My other friend was already laughing and laughing. Then they both added, there has to be a splash. And in the end, I won. I actually jumped into the waters of the man-made beach in the freezing night and "made a splash". Of course, i got all wet and sandy after that. 

Sometimes I don't really understand myself either and I guess I am just hard to handle. A confused mind can bring lots of problems and weird thoughts. Maybe I am like leaves... I change and I fall in autumn?

“we say we love flowers, yet we pluck them. we say we love trees, yet we cut them down. and people still wonder why some are afraid when told they are loved” -Brandi Snyder

2:25pm 7 September

Lying in bed last night, I suddenly thought of how I used to be so afraid of being alone when I just a kid. I refused to sleep in my own room or even walk up the stairs to the second level in my own house. I would always wait for my mom to walk me up and accompany me. It was scary for me as a child. My imagination was already pretty wild then. I imagined that there was a monster in my house waiting to eat me up/kidnappers gonna take and sell me away. Before I went to bed, I used to look under my bed every night to check for them. Also, I would surround myself with lots of pillows with this theory that my pillows would protect me from the monsters. My mom would always tell me "Dont be scared. This is your home. Its the safest place on earth." I didnt agree then. Now thinking back, I realised how true that statement was. Home is always the safest place, and where the heart is. 

1:29pm September 6

9:39PM, 31 August :
And tonight I've got this crazy thought it my head. I just wanna book my airtickets back to singapore for perhaps later or maybe tomorrow. Then when I wake up its back to my old life. Mommy picks me up from photoshoot and we head to a nice japanese restaurant or maybe even wisma food court which I haven't been since it was renovated. After that, we take a walk around orchard, go to the shops I frequent. Buy a awfully chocolate cake to eat on the way back home. Zara greets me when I step out of the car and daddy is sitting at his usual chair reading his newspaper. I don't have to see my parents through a bloody computer screen. When I am sad, I know my mom will always have a REAL hug to give me and not through the phone. I can help my sister with her preparations for the wedding and not need her to ask for my suggestions through sending me a photo on whatsapp.

Fuck all the dishwashing, fire alarms which keep ringing and drunkards on the streets yelling at the top of their voices. I don't have to clear the rubbish bin anymore and not worry about having nothing to eat or being late cause I took too long to walk to school. I don't have to worry about washing my own clothes or having to climb up the damn hill while walking to school. I don't have to take the bus anymore or go home at 6pm cause the bloody shops close around that time. I can go out with my good friends and have fun partying or doing any other thing instead of staying in this fucking room for almost two weekends now. I don't have to watch downloaded movies on my computer and end up crying both about the movie and my life now. Everything I hate doing here, FUCK YOU, YOU AND YOU. I never want to see you again. _|_

and instead of ending of with a "see you again" or something around that line, i ll probably choose to end off with a "fuck off forever and ever. you re out of my life eternally. lots of middle fingers as a goodbye gift from yours truly."

Anyway, last week was just plain horrible. I wanted to just give up everything here and just leave. My parents didnt reallly know about what I was feeling cause I didnt dare to tell them lest they worry about me. And when I finally broke down on the phone a few days later, the first thing my mom said was "You go help mommy book ticket to fly over tmr or something" and she began crying too. I thought my dad would not allow but he actually gave his full support and said alot of things like "You're my daughter. I dont want you to suffer. I ll do anything I can to make you feel better"

This made me realise how fortunate I am and how much my parents love me (which I should have realised a long time ago). It made me know how important my family is to me and how I will always have their back. Yes this may show how spoilt and pampered I am (according to the fs anons), but yknow, Im trying my best to be independant, I am learning step by step. But at least I have a family who loves me soo much and thats what matters only.

Psychology

Im half a semester into my psychology degree and found this online. 

Wonder if my lecturers would agree on these two? They don't really teach us such stuffs. 

Skincare Products Aug/Sept

Below are some products I am currently using for my skin. Im not really very picky when it comes to skincare products and my skin is kinda "tough" in the way that it just accepts whatever product I use on it and I seldom/never had a outbreak though I do get one or two big ass pimples on my face once in awhile when my period is coming. But of course I've got like big pores and stuff but hahahah, I don't really am the kind of girl to freak out big time about such stuff though (i'll probably go "FML.." then I get distracted by something else and forget all about it. My skincare products changes all the time and I never really stuck to one before hahahahhaha! Cause I always get conned by the sales lady and love trying out new products! So the products here are what I am using currently and if may work for me, but everyone's skin is different and you kinda get the idea right? I know its not a lot of products but these are the main products I'm using now.. 

1. Aloe Vera 

After discovering the wonders of aloe vera, I can't live without this anymore. I use it mostly to moisturise my body cause of the weather here, my skin gets dry and scaly which I absolutely hate cause I feel like a lizard/fish. But sometimes, I just apply it onto my face which I think works for me too though I'm not sure if I'm supposed to do that. I get my aloe vera gel from Watsons in singapore. (those bottle kind but it states its 100% pure)

2. Biore Makeup Remover

The obvious and most common choice: BIORE. And if you didn't already know, its a MUST to remove makeup every night before you sleep. Even after a crazy night of partying and you're still high or even when you haven't slept for the past 48hours. If you don't, just don't complain/whine/cry when your skin starts to have breakouts or I don't know what. BTW, I don't feel "safe" enough just removing my makeup using this, you gotta follow it up with a facial wash (the one I use is stated below) or something to cleanse your face AGAIN. 

3. Benefit Foamingly Clean Facial Wash

4. Garnier Aqua Defense 

OHHH BUT THE ONLY MAJOR PROBLEM I HAVE IS: DARK CIRCLES. 

I have the worse dark circles ever. Its actually more of black circles. And I got conned by some salesperson at sephora and bought this $90 plus eye cream which I've been using but NEVER saw results which pisses me off really bad. Any suggestions for eye cream to get rid of dark circles? :)