For the past few years, it was always a tradition to dedicate a post to my beloved dog, Ruffy, every 1st Oct. I dont know why I did it. Maybe at that time, I still couldn't accept his death. I could burst into tears anytime, (usually only in front of my family.), at the most awkward situations. Yes ask why would a girl get so affected over a animal's death even after so long. Yeah it may be strange. But he wasn't an animal to me. The bond/relationship we had together was different.
This death was the first death I encountered which actually hit me. Hit me how death was even scarier then I thought. Not to the one dying, but to the ones left behind living. Living with fond memories of the passed away, helpless. You're only left with the memories, and nothing you can do, no matter how much you cry, how much money you have, it wont help.
I wanted to reverse time. To spend more time with him, to pet him more, to play more of catching the ball when he was still young. I had regrets, tons of them. Cause I never knew that he would leave. I took it for granted. I lived in denial whenever people mentioned "you know one day he'll die right?" and I ll just go "hahah no way. no way. never gonna let him die." Never gonna let him die? How silly of me.
I regretted getting distracted with other stuffs while growing up. Going out to meet fake friends, using the computer on msn waiting for some people to talk to me, idk you name it. Those stupid stuffs. But there's nothing I can do anymore.
I gotta admit, memories of my dear Ruffy is not that strong anymore. Unconsciouly, I start to forget him as the days go by. I feel him sinking deeper, deeper into the hidden corner of my brain. And I try to dig up those memories sometimes but yet its blurry. Sometimes it scares me ALOT how I am beginning to forget him. But I know that I loved him and always will. He will always be the dog who was always there for me, through the good and bad times, through my childhood to now. And to the future.
So instead of the 1st Oct, I am doing this yearly post on the last day of October.
11:53pm.
Forever and always.
(for you, its not a lie.)
2012: http://daisyponies.blogspot.com.au/2012/10/a-letter-01-october-2012.html
2012: http://daisyponies.blogspot.com.au/2012/10/a-letter-01-october-2012.html