I always wonder how its like to be in love. Like not the kind you just say cause you're supposed to say "i-love-you" and or idk what "modified" kinds of love there are these days. But the kind that experienced between two people, like those in movies, like those that is second to parental love. I always hear people say that they love their boyfriend or this guy and I often wonder, what is love and is their love real? I guess I have the least right to comment on that since I dont think I ever did experience it before.
Me loving someone other than my family and dogs? Impossible. I just cant love someone else the same way I love them. I don't know what that kind of love is. I don't know what it is and I don't know how to feel it or show someone that. I just can't do it no matter what I do.
Im 20 this year and haven't experienced true love. Sad right. However, if God was to send this love down now, I dont think the yet-to-mature-fully me would be able to handle it or am ready for it. Now, I've got other priorities. But other than those kind of real love, I am definitely more than happy with my life. I was born a really fortunate and blessed girl and I really really cant thank God more for that.
Sometimes the silly me starts thinking if its just my fate/destiny or whatever its called. To have everything except this kind of love. Or other days, I start wondering if its some curse passed down. My mind goes haywire once in awhile and I start coming up with all kinds of absurd reasons. There's always something wrong. Timing, motive, place, circumstances.
Like the typical girl, my friends always scold me for liking the bad guys and shunning the good guys. Everyone around me seems to have or am experiencing it. Or their version of it, real or illusion. But from today onwards, no more. I'm gonna have my version of it one day. It would be my ideal kind of love, the love I always dreamed of and hoped for. But in the meantime, don't settle for less.
*p.s. I am now starting to wonder if I'll wake up tomorrow and laugh at myself or regret writing such emotional stuffs all over again.
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